The Etiquette of Modern Communication
The other day I found myself needing to contact a friend. This friend and I, we're both bleeding edge technology nerds, so it got me thinking about how many ways there are for people like us to contact each other, and what the unspoken rules of etiquette are for each one.
Here were the options, in order of most immediate to least.
Phone
These days, I answer the phone with, "Is everything okay?" The phone is so pressing, so overt, so immediate, the only socially appropriate reason to use it is if you're trapped in a fiery building or someone's in the hospital. The phone insists itself upon the user, annoying everyone within earshot, and has to be answered immediately to make the noise stop. A hateful experience for everyone involved.
Instant Messaging
It used to be safe to assume that IM was limited to the comfy confines of computers, but more and more cellphones have IM capabilities, so now you never know. Instant messaging is only slightly less intrusive than a phone call, but it's still expected that your respond in under a minute if you're there.
SMS / Text Message
The other day I sent a text message to my dad's RAZR, and I'm pretty sure he thought I was magic. He never did respond.
Lately, SMS is my preferred method of communication for, as its acronym implies, short messages. The technical limitations of SMS require brevity, so you never have to deal with those long, meandering voice messages. It makes the recipient's phone ring and/or vibrate, but usually less so than a phone call so it's less interruptive. And the message is immediate, so it doesn't require the recipient to do anything to get it (like call in to a voicemail service).
Plus it's basically okay to ignore it if you're busy. Unlike a phone call, it won't keep bugging the recipient to answer.
Voice Mail
So annoying. As the recipient, I have to call the phone company to get it, and that's never fun. And I have to remember which numbers do which commands. And even after all that, it's still not really expected that I respond in a timely manner, because unlike IM and Email which report an error to the sender, voice mail fails quietly, so the sender never knows when, or if, the message was received.
Email
Ah, email, my old friend. Remember when were were buds? Yeah, I miss those days, too.
Email is now dead to me. Of all the communication methods listed here, it's the most passive. You can leave a message whenever, and I can get it whenever, and I don't really have to reply in a timely manner.
But the spammers have ruined it for everyone. I have my email clamped down with a Spam Arrest whitelist and a Bayesian junk filter and spam still plagues my inbox. I still use email, and it's still my preferred method of communication for messages that are not immediate, but you almost always have to follow up any email with a message in another medium if it's important.
I still love you, Email. But it's just not working out. It's not you, it's me. (Actually, it is you, you big slut.)
So those were my options. What did I choose? Didn't matter. By the time I'd considered all my options, he contacted me. Viva technology!
Comments
BUT HOW DID HE CONTACT YOU????!!??
I love text messages. They are so big here in New Zealand - glad to hear it's taking off in the US too.
The best kind - in person.
It's even worse trying to negotiate communication with the less nerdly in our lives. We still haven't hooked up the phone in our new house and my mother was convinced we were dead in a ditch.
Agreed, face to face is due for a comeback.
It's so true about (most of) the older generation, that unless you have a phone, at home, which you're going to answer on the second ring, you may just be dead as far as they're concerned. They have cell phones and emails and use them both. But somehow it doesn't count unless it's wired to the pole outside or some such.
Derek, I was having a deep conversation about the very topic you chose here, just two days ago with relatives on the East Coast. You're totally right that e-mail is dead as far as immediate communication, but while it's been supplanted by all these other methods, I think it's returned to a kind of old-school "letter writing" medium. Even grandma's likely to have at least an e-mail address now, and to use it occasionally, which I find really nice. I like e-mail again. Now if I could just get my dad to forward funnies, I'd be all set.
phones, the cellular sort in particular, have ruined several of my relationships. people feel as though i am obligated to use it all times just because i have it, but i don't. if it rings i have this luxury of not answering it WHICH others seem to find rude.
if i had no phone at all would it be okay with people if the ohly time i spoke with them is when we go out?
anti-blackberry 4 life
nabaztag? =: )
i hate talking on the phone. Hate. and it's usually only when my mother leaves the 3rd message that i call her back. i would always pick talking in person over all the others. except maybe presents. anyone that wants to communicate with me by sending me wine or an ipod, please feel free.
Sometimes I wonder what happened to the good old fashioned snail mail handwritten type of letter. The heart pounding just a little faster from the exitement at the letter's arrival. The ritual of opening the envelope. Where did this all go? Our daily life is punctuated by SMS, phone calls, voice mails, emails and IM. What happened to your friend or collegue who just used to show up at your door and offer a nice and simple coffee-break and a chat. Are we being de-humanized...my dad keeps his laptop in its bag, away from the dust; my blackberry is now an extension of my persona - who's right?